Childhood is a formative time when we absorb ideas about life, people, and ourselves. Some of these beliefs serve us well, while others can create unnecessary limitations, making it harder to thrive as adults. Here are five common childhood misconceptions, explored with insights from psychologist Ksenia Matur, that can prevent us from living fully and achieving our goals. Recognizing these errors is the first step toward letting go of unnecessary constraints and embracing personal growth and happiness.
1. “Making Mistakes is Bad”
Many children grow up believing that mistakes are shameful or disastrous. This belief can lead adults to avoid risks and new experiences due to a fear of failure. In childhood, mistakes might be met with disappointment or punishment, giving us the impression that they’re unacceptable.
In reality, mistakes are essential for learning and growth. They’re how we gain experience, test new ideas, and expand our potential. By reframing mistakes as valuable learning experiences, we can embrace challenges and open ourselves to new opportunities.
2. “Love Must Be Earned”
Many children come to believe that love is conditional—that it must be earned and can be withdrawn as punishment. This belief can leave a lasting impression, causing adults to constantly seek approval and validation from others, even at the cost of their own desires and goals. They may fear rejection or feel compelled to please others to feel worthy of love.
As a result, love can become a tool of manipulation in relationships. For instance, partners may issue ultimatums like “If you love me, you’ll do this…” Breaking free from this belief allows us to understand that genuine love is accepting and supportive, not a transaction to be earned.
3. “People Can’t Be Trusted”
If a child experiences betrayal or a lack of safety from close caregivers, they may develop a belief that people are fundamentally untrustworthy. This can lead to suspicion and jealousy as adults, making it difficult to form close, trusting relationships.
While healthy caution is important, learning to distinguish between actual trustworthiness and lingering childhood fears can help us build stronger connections. Recognizing that not everyone will repeat past betrayals enables us to open up and trust those who show genuine care.
4. “Adults Know Best”
Many children assume that adults are always right and possess all the answers. This belief can result in a lack of confidence in one’s own instincts and decisions in adulthood, as they’ve learned to defer to authority rather than trust their own judgment.
Understanding that adults, too, can be wrong or uncertain helps us validate our own instincts and choices. Reclaiming our inner voice and making decisions based on personal values and needs empowers us to live authentically and confidently.
5. “Emotions Should Be Hidden”
Many children grow up with the notion that certain emotions are unacceptable. Phrases like “Good girls don’t get angry” or “Boys don’t cry” teach children to suppress feelings rather than express them. This emotional repression can lead to mental health challenges and strain relationships as adults.
As adults, we may find that we’re not only suppressing difficult emotions like anger or sadness but also losing touch with joy and excitement. Allowing ourselves to express a full range of emotions brings us closer to others and enriches our experience of life.
Moving Forward: Breaking Free from Limiting Beliefs
Understanding these misconceptions and their impact on our lives is a liberating process. By recognizing and letting go of outdated beliefs, we can build healthier relationships, trust our own instincts, embrace emotional expression, and live more fully. The journey to self-awareness is a powerful way to rediscover joy, confidence, and a stronger sense of self.