Manipulators can be like wolves in sheep’s clothing. While we often view empaths as highly sensitive, compassionate people who can connect deeply with others, there is a darker side to this trait that can be weaponized. Not all empaths use their understanding for good; some use it to manipulate and control. Here’s how to spot and safeguard yourself from such individuals.
1. They Put on a Show
In public, dark empaths appear charming and likable. They can win over anyone, from moody teenagers to elderly neighbors. Their skill at adapting to different social settings is almost chameleon-like. This public charisma serves to mask their true nature.
2. They Are Distant When Alone
In private, dark empaths can be cold, detached, and passive. This stark contrast makes it difficult for their victims to be believed when they recount negative experiences. How could someone so delightful in public be harmful in private? But the truth is, dark empaths reserve their energy for impressing groups, not individuals.
3. They Use Dark Humor and Sarcasm
Dark empaths often rely on biting humor and sarcasm that can sting. Unlike true empaths who avoid hurting others’ feelings, dark empaths make jokes at others’ expense. This trait reveals their lack of genuine concern for others’ well-being.
4. They Refuse Responsibility
A true empath who hurts someone will quickly apologize out of genuine remorse. A dark empath, on the other hand, won’t take responsibility. If they apologize at all, it will be insincere and often followed by blame-shifting, such as, “You made me do it.”
5. They Use Your Information Against You
They might listen attentively to your stories, only to later use them in a way that embarrasses or undermines you in social settings. This tactic can leave you feeling exposed and confused.
6. They’re Only Kind When You Agree with Them
Much like narcissists, dark empaths cannot tolerate criticism and often have a “main character” complex. They are not open to different viewpoints and see their opinions as the only valid ones. Disagreement triggers their defensive and aggressive side, showing their true colors.
How to Protect Yourself from a Dark Empath
- Set Boundaries: Whether dealing with a light or dark empath, you must establish and defend your personal boundaries.
- Trust Your Instincts: If you feel uneasy, don’t ignore it. Distance yourself from the person causing tension.
- Surround Yourself with Genuine People: Work on your self-esteem. People with low self-worth, who crave validation and fall into dysfunctional relationships, are often the targets of dark empaths.
- Be Wary of Overfamiliarity: If someone you’ve just met seems to understand you too well and probes deeply into your emotions without a professional reason (e.g., not your therapist), take a step back. They may be trying to gain control over your feelings and actions.
These strategies can help you identify and protect yourself from dark empaths who may seek to manipulate your emotions for their own benefit.