Psychologists assert that childhood leaves a lasting imprint on a person’s life. Those who were not surrounded by parental love and care often struggle with low self-esteem, a lack of personal boundaries, dependence on external validation, and difficulties in communication. They constantly seek to be useful, as they learned early on that love must be “earned.” Such individuals may also have underdeveloped emotional intelligence and even disordered eating behaviors as a way to compensate for emotional deprivation.
Low self-esteem is formed in early childhood. A child tries to please parents, relatives, and peers to gain their approval. They learn to suppress their desires and prioritize others’ needs over their own. As adults, they often allow others to violate their personal boundaries, disregarding their own comfort.
Another characteristic trait is emotional suppression. If a child grows up in an environment where expressing emotions is discouraged or even punished, they learn not to feel. Fear of being judged or reprimanded for crying, sadness, or anger forces them to block their emotions. However, repressed feelings do not disappear—they can manifest as psychosomatic illnesses. Some individuals visit doctors with physical symptoms, only to find that medical tests show no health issues—at which point they are advised to consult a psychologist.
Such people also tend to rely heavily on external validation. They struggle to make decisions independently because they are accustomed to seeking approval from others. They constantly try to meet external expectations and experience anxiety when they do not receive praise. Chronic stress may lead to disordered eating behaviors: some overeat, while others lose their appetite completely.
These issues are often rooted in childhood, and the causes can vary. For example, parents may have expected a boy but had a girl (or vice versa). They may have hoped for a gifted child but received an ordinary one with different interests. Some children are born out of obligation rather than genuine desire. Divorce, the birth of a younger sibling, or prolonged separation from parents can also make a child feel unwanted.
In such families, parents may display emotional coldness, ignore their child’s interests, and devalue their achievements. As a result, the child either starts competing with an imaginary rival, trying to prove their worth, or even falls ill to regain parental attention.
How to Overcome the Consequences of This Upbringing
The first step is awareness. Ask yourself: “What do I do for others at the expense of my own needs?” Then, work on changing this pattern. Recall your childhood dreams and allow yourself to fulfill them. Learn to say “no” to those who have taken advantage of your kindness.
The second step is to seek professional help. A psychologist can assist in working through childhood traumas, establishing personal boundaries, asserting your own opinions, and developing healthier relationships.
Most importantly, learn to love yourself. Only those who are filled with self-love and self-respect can build a happy future and provide their children with a sense of security and acceptance.
